Kevin Smith Fantasies

One of the odd things about modern living is how many people you come into fleeting contact with. You might only see a clerk only once in your life. You will buy your stuff and get out. You'll only talk to a particular telemarketer once in your entire life. They've usually interrupted what you're doing in order to peddle something to you. If you're traveling and you stop and talk to someone at a roadside rest stop it is doubtful you'll ever meet that person again.

One thing my dad has always accused me of doing is asking too many questions. The problem was probably worse when I was five, but it is something I haven't stopped doing. However, as I have grown older the questions have gotten a little odder and stranger. When I talk to a telemarketer I always ask where they are calling from. Believe it or not I once talked to someone in India. When I make a major purchase like a car or a piece of electronic equipment I'm pretty confrontation. An auto dealer was trying to schmooze me with a good story about an old man that owned the automobile, but I told him that just because a vehicle has a good story that it doesn't mean it is good. I asked to see the entire service history.

I occasionally get some pretty cold responses from people when I ask them questions like these. Some think I'm annoying, while others think I'm prying into their life and not minding my own business, but I'm not. I'm really just trying to find out the truth and break the communication molds that are dictated by modern society. No, I don't want any fries with that, but how about some fried okra? What do you, the waiter, like to eat?

One of my favorite groups of people to question are late night convenience store clerks. I'll ask them the craziest thing they've ever seen on the job. I'll ask them how long they've worked at their job. Most of the time I get blown off, but sometimes you find someone that really spills their guts.

Last week at a Springfield Kum & Go I started questioning the clerk. He was not one of the hesitant and reserved ones, he got excited and told me that he moved from another state, was a college drop out, and was using the time to live out his Kevin Smith fantasies. We ended the conversation hypothesizing about the best way to petrify a Krispy Kreme and use it has a hockey puck.

So remember, if you are in the service profession and get stopped by an inquisitive oddball stranger, my intention is not to pry or gossip, but to find out your sincerest hopes and dreams and then post them on my blog.