REITHOFFER FREAK SHOW AT THE OZARK EMPIRE FAIR

As a child I can remember being mesmerized by the signs outside of the freak show at the Ozark Empire Fair. There would be a gigantic display with paintings of fantastic creatures, odd ball people, bizarre creatures, and extra-natural apparitions.

For a variety of reasons, I never went inside the freak shows of the fairs of my youth. Sometimes I didn't have enough money. The three dollar admission is pretty steep when you're an eleven year old with a five-dollar-a-week allowance. Other times I was filled with too much pity. Sure, I wanted to go see the sword swallower push a florescent light down his throat, but then there was, at least reported by my friends, a midget Filipino woman sitting inside for observation, much like a circus animal.

After nearly ten years of absence, the "Weird Al" concert was the catalyst the drew me back to the Ozark Empire Fair and this year on a whim I decided it was time to face my curiosity- I'd go inside the freak show. I was shocked that the concept of a freak show still even exists. How can this politically-correct, all-inclusive age tolerate calling anyone a "freak"?

I didn't know quite what to expect. The signs outside promised a two headed baby, gargantuan and midget people, and a wide array of crypto-zoological animals. Fortunately, there was nothing to stir my pity. There were no real midgets, Siamese infants, or laboratory reject man-beasts. But there were a wide array of gross-out objects and questionable replicas.



Cameras weren't allowed and I was too intimidated by the tattooed carney folk to test the rules. You'll just have to believe me. First, there were some animals on display. There was a live cow with a parasitic twin. You might feel bad about gawking at this until you realize that most farmers would grind something like this into hamburger. There were a few turtles on display, a pair of long neck turtles, an injured one-eyed turtle, and a conjoined twin turtle. The freak show did contain some cute animals: a miniature horse and a New Zealand capybara, the world's largest rodent.

Most of the disturbing creatures contained in the display were preserved in formaldehyde. There was a deformed baboon under glass as well as several snakes. The really freaky things were all totally fake, sure they belonged in a freak show; but they just weren't real. There were a couple of carefully crafted mermaid skeletons, as well as a preserved Mexican chupacabra, a legendary creature said to suck the blood out of goats. And what about the real freaks, the midgets, and armless, and superhumans? They were displayed in black and white photos on the wall of the exhibit.

By the way, the two-headed baby is totally just a doll on display sitting above a sign that said "replica." How amazing? If I ran a freak show, I might put up a mirror on the inside. The folks like me that pay two dollars two see this junk are the real freaks!

The true list of items contained in the "museum" is posted on a small sign by the entrance. To tell the truth, everything marked with "REAL?" is fake and everything marked with "REAL" is alive or preserved.